Heart Beats - PT.1

WARNING: Contains sex, homosexuality, strong language. Do not read if you're not of the legal age in your country or if any of the mentioned doesn't fit you. Oh, and do take note of the fact that English isn't my first language. Some of the names in this story are somewhat altered from the original story to fit the English better. Not the main character's though. Any resemblance to actual people or places are purely coincidental.

Introduction

When the rusty old station wagon stopped with its unbeatable combination of misfiring and several small jumps Johnas Rydberg woke up with a sudden twitch. A short while later he felt completely confused, both due to his upright position and the unfamiliar environment. Then reality caught up with him and his widened azure-blue eyes got their usual bored expression.

"Finally there!"

Elizabeth, more commonly known as Beth, sighed and stretched herself with a big yawn. Johnas didn't as much as glance at his mother. He was too occupied with eying the idyllic scene outside the car's windshield. The red, little wooden-cottage with its white corners, surrounded by a green, flowering garden with gnarled fruit-trees and what seemed to be about hundreds of dazzling flowerbeds, was probably a total dream place in some peoples eyes. All he could see was a house that seemed even smaller than the apartment they'd left behind and the fact that the house in question was several miles from the closest city-core. He'd lived his whole life in the smack middle and four miles away from it felt like an insuperable distance.

The driveway they were on were gravelled and the mere number of big tufts of grass made it pretty clear there hadn't been a car in the household for decades. A few meters away, at the end of the drive-way, was a garage that only seemed to keep standing thanks to a strategically placed fir-tree which it heavily leaned against.. The crap would probably fall to pieces if you tried to open one of the doors. Luckily the residential looked a bit sturdier. Johnas moved his eyes back to the house. The numerous flower-beds didn't seem to have been enough for the owners flower-obsession since there even were pots and hanging baskets with plants deployed here and there. On the baluster to the side door a black and white cat basked in the sun.

"I think we'll thrive here, right sweetie?" Beth complacently said and patted him on the knee.

Johnas muttered something in reply before rolling down the car-window to open the door. That was a must since the door didn't open from the inside and he didn't have the patient to wait for his mother to get her ass in gear and go around to open the door for him. She romped out of the car on her side while Johnas yawned and stretched so it creaked in his joints.

"Wonderful!!" Beth exclaimed after loudly pulling some air into her lungs. "This is other than the urban-air, isn't it!"

It wasn't really a question but it got Johnas to suspiciously sniff the air. Unsurprisingly it smelled like flowers. He realized he missed the smell of asphalt. Silently he hauled up his cigarettes and skilfully ignored his mother's irritated eyes when he lit one.

"I wish you could stop with that", she said dissatisfied.

Johnas gave her a tired look over the car's roof.

"Do as I say, not what I do, eh?" he muttered.

She had the decency to look a little ashamed. Deservedly since she smoked close to two pack a day herself. She was no good role model when it came to smoking and she knew it.

"Just make sure grandma doesn't see you smoke", she said while she picked up a cigarette of her own. "She'd tear up heaven and earth."

"She knows you're smoking", Johnas pointed out.

Beth frowned.

"Well yes, but there's a difference. You're still young, not even of legal age... She doesn't approve of me smoking and would be totally heartbroken if she knew you do. To her, you're still the little towhead that ran around trying to eat earthworms while she was weeding."

Johnas glowered darkly at her.

"Nice... If you got any more information like that about my childhood I'd prefer it if you keep it to yourself."

Beth grinned at him.

Johnas let his eyes slide over the immediate surroundings. His grandma's house was definitely remote. The closest bus stop was situated at the main road, about one mile away. It hadn't been many houses along the narrow dirt road but opposite his grandma's house there actually were a house. Johnas' eyes widened unconsciously when they fell upon the big villa. Compared to Majvor's, his grandma, house the villa looked like an apartment complex. It seemed way too big for one single family and was significantly newer and more luxurious than his grandma's house. On the bricked drive-way to a big double garage stood two cars, model year newer, and glistened in the sun. The first one a minivan and the second one a more streamlined combi. The place virtually reeked of money.

With his hands in his pockets and the cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth he stood silent and just stared until Beth's voice suddenly jerked him back to reality.

"If you're done smoking soon it's probably good if we go inside to grandma. I'm sure she's got breakfast ready for us."

He nodded and after stubbing out the cigarette against the sole of his shoe he leaned into the car again through the back door.

"We can unpack later", Beth pointed out.

Johnas didn't answer. He didn't have the intention to unpack the car right now anyway. All he wanted was the big, hard case that was enthroned at the top of all the stuff in the back-seat. There wasn't a chance in hell that he left his most precious possession unattended in their wreck of a car. Even locked the heap was way too easy to break into. He'd done it himself a couple of times. Although this place looked safe enough he wasn't willing to take any chances.

With the case safe in his hand he followed his mother towards the side of the house and the kitchen entrance. The cat that had been basking on the railing fled when they got closer and Johnas suspected it was one of those half wild things that his grandma fed out of compassion. She was that type.

Beth knocked a couple of times before entering and he silently followed her into a narrow rough hall that seemed to double serve as a laundry room. This conclusion he based on the stone age old dryer and the slightly newer washing machine that occupied most of the space. Straight ahead in the oblong room, opposite the front door, was another door that stood opened towards what seemed to be the kitchen. Johnas knew he'd been there before but it was several years ago and he couldn't remember it very well. The grandmother however, that appeared in the kitchen door with a beaming smile, he remembered without any problems since he saw her at least once a year. The last few years she'd been visiting them over Christmas for a week or two.

Majvor was the ultimate grandmother. With a plaid apron over a dark green, floral patterned dress she came up to them with a surprising speed and to Johnas great dismay she swept both him and Beth into a big bear hug.

"Darlings!!" she almost shrieked.

Johnas liked his grandma and had no problems suffering her hugs the few times he saw her but after spending practically two days in an all too limited space with his mother he didn't feel like getting this close to her. However, he endured the hug in silence and took a much needed breath when Majvor finally released her grip.

"But ugh, you smell smoke!" became Majvor's first sentence to them. "You really should stop that bad habit, Beth! The boy smells like an ashtray. Passive smoking is quite dangerous you know."

Like an ashtray. Johnas actually took it quite offending. But it was pretty funny that Beth got all the blame. The later one gave him a dark glare over Majvor's shoulder. For the moment Johnas endured his grandma's thorough examination.

"I can swear you get taller and more stately every time I see you", she said complacently.

Johnas looked down at her.

"You sure you're not the one shrinking then?"

It wasn't completely meant as a joke but Majvor laughed happily anyway.

"He also got humor."

She turned around towards Beth and continued with her next breath.

"You do know that smoking can make the boy stop growing?"

Beth took the words from his head when she answered.

"He's tall enough as it is."

With 6,1 feet in his socks Johnas totally agreed. He'd be happy if he didn't add another inch to his height. Majvor opened her mouth to provide an answer but seemed to realize she was about to go too far 'cause she quickly changed the subject.

"It's so wonderful to have you here! Come now and sit down. I'm sure you're starved after that long drive!"

She led them into the small but cozy kitchen and pushed them down on some Falun red kitchen chairs. The talk practically rained from her while she darted back and forth between cupboards, drawers, refrigerator and table. Soon the kitchen table succumbed underneath all sorts of edible stuff and Johnas aimlessly stared at the diversity. He used to skip breakfast altogether, possibly a sandwich and some chocolate milk or cereals once in awhile, and even a taste of half of the stuff that Majvor put out on the table seemed impossible.

Not enough with about twenty sandwiches, buttered with toppings and all, apparently the old lady had baked waffles too. Johnas glanced at his mother that also looked quite taken.

"Dear lord, mum", she said breathless. "This is way too much... You didn't have to..."

"Well, well", Majvor cheerfully interrupted. "You don't have to clean the plates but you have to be completely starved. Absolutely the boy. They need much nourishment when they grow."

Happily she stirred around his already ruffled hair before finally placing herself on a chair. Even before her butt hit the surface of the chair she was already engaged in a conversation with Beth that Johnas either had a chance, neither wanted, to keep up with. Even though he wasn't particularly hungry he reached for a waffle. Seeing that the old dame gone through all this trouble he figured he had to sacrifice himself and at least taste the food. That she made the world's greatest waffles didn't belong to the point. He nibbled on the waffle while looking out the window. His thoughts hovered around in that manner they only do when you are more in need of sleep than anything else. Outside the flower-filled window with it's plaid curtains, plaid seemed to be a fetish to Majvor, the sun rose more and more and casted streaks of sunshine and shadows over the lawn that was in major need of a trimming. Yet another cat, this one a yellow tabby, stressed over the lawn while now and then coming to a stop to closer check out whatever was moving in the greenery. Maybe neither the black and white nor this one were Majvor's... they could always belong to the people in the luxury villa.

Johnas packed away the last of the waffle and unconsciously reached for a cheese and ham sandwich. It soon remained lying, half eaten and forgotten, while he stared out the window without seeing anything. Funny enough the skirts cackle was pretty soporific and suddenly he nodded off so heavily he almost knocked himself against the table.

"But the lord my maker", Majvor exclaimed after the first surprised silence. "The boy's sitting and falling asleep! What am I thinking, you must be exhausted!"

He wasn't sure he wanted to go as far as saying he was exhausted but he wouldn't mind a couple of hours of sleep in a real bed. Majvor rose to her feet.

"Come with me and I'll show you where to sleep."

Slightly unsteady Johnas rose and silently trailed his mother and grandma to the hallway and up the narrow staircase there. The second floor consisted of a small, dark corridor with four doors of which two showed out to be leading to bedrooms. One of them were of course his grandma's and he felt his mood sag while suspecting where it leaned. He'd rather sleep in the car than share rooms with Beth for god know how long. Luckily Majvor seemed to realize the same because after showing them the bathroom she opened the last door and revealed an attic stairway.

"I think you'd be better of up there", she happily said. "When Marten lived here he'd rather sleep up there then in the bedroom down here. I'm guessing teenagers are in quite a need of privacy."

Johnas nodded while peering up the staircase. Even though it without any doubt was the attic it seemed light and airy.

"Just watch your noggin", Majvor continued when he'd taken a couple of steps up the stairs, "It's pretty low ceilings."

He nodded again.

"Thanks, grandma."

She gave him a irradiate smile.

Johnas walked the rest of the stair and got pretty surprised when he took a look around. Area-wise it was pretty much greater than his old room and this even though the part behind the stair were filled with trunks and other stuff that normally inhabited an attic. The surface straight ahead were decorated like any other room. Rag rug and laced curtains... Cute...

Carefully he straightened up to check the mentioned ceiling height and found that he actually just could stand at full length where it were as highest. Probably not to recommend though considering the joists.

"I think you'll like it here", Majvor said behind him and he turned his head.

He hadn't noticed that she'd followed him.

"Of course you can decorate it the way you want."

Johnas nodded and turned his eyes towards the window. The first thing he would get rid of were those curtain... Lace wasn't really his thing... Although he suspected her only selections were plaids or flowers and he couldn't say that appealed to him either...

"Well, alright then", Majvor cheerfully said. "Sleep well and we'll see each other later."

With this she legged it down the stairs again and he heard how she closed the door behind her down there. If she'd meant what she said about giving him free reign a lock to the door probably wouldn't be completely wrong... Perhaps Majvor would respect his privacy, although he doubted it, but Beth had a nasty ability to rip open the door when you wanted it the least. He took a deep breath. It smelled flowers even here. He released the breath with a sigh. He had to take care of that smell. Sure, it was to prefer over the stench of garbage but still...

He put the big case, that he hadn't left out of sight one single second, on the bed and went to the window. Beyond Majvor's garden he saw a piece of the dirt road. Then there were mostly forest. He sighed again. The bed tantalized him but if he wanted to sleep undisturbed he should probably take a leak first. Not that he needed it at the moment but if he didn't he'd probably wake up in a couple of hours with a bursting bladder. He went down the stairs and carefully opened the door a bit. He was tired and didn't want to see either Beth or Majvor for a while. From what was supposed to be his mother's room from now on he could hear hers and Majvor's voices.

"... especially cheerful?"

"No", his mother answered to whatever Majvor said. "He's been that way since the accident..."

Hardly surprising they were talking about him.

"It was very traumatic for him", Beth continued. "Everyone keep saying he really should talk about it but he's refusing. He's just getting increasingly reserved... I don't know what to do anymore."

She sounded dejected.

"There, there", Majvor comforted. "I'm sure he just need more time. Those things take time you know."

"I know that", Beth replied. "But how much time? It's been two years soon already and he isn't getting any better at all. It's so... frustrating! I haven't heard him laugh or even seen him smile once in all this time!"

They were silent for a while. Then Beth sighed loudly.

"Hopefully this change of scenery will help a bit. At least here not everything reminds him of John."

Johnas shut the door and walked up the stairs again. Dilly-dallying he looked around the attic before moving to the window to open it. He had to bang on the frame a bit before it finally loosened. Despite the fresh air that hit him it felt as if he was about to suffocate. The birds chirping twinged in his ears. He missed the sound of traffic. The smell of fumes and asphalt.

Right outside the window were a slightly leaning roof and after hesitating for a second or two he cautiously stepped out on it. It seemed durable enough and pretty sure it wouldn't cave in beneath him he sat down on the lukewarm bricks and took out his cigarettes. From his position he could see the neighboring house and he wondered how many people that lived there. It even seemed like someone lived over the big double garage. Lucky bastards...

A door on the side of the house opened and let out three dogs in varying sizes into the fenced garden. Johnas sighed heavily and turned his eyes towards the sky instead. Clear blue with small, white cloud puffs. Yeh, for most people it probably were pretty idyllic. Both the place and the weather. To Johnas everything felt worse than ever. Even the weather seemed to flout his intrinsic disturbance. He felt oddly fidgety. Strange since he was tired and heavy in his whole body at the same time. He wished he would've had the guts to follow his desire to just stand up and scream his lungs out. But that would totally give him attention he didn't want. Beth would probably get him admitted by force then. She'd pretty much implied things in that direction before. As if that would make him feel better. He'd tried those damned psychologists but all they wanted him to do was talk. What good did that do?

Crotchety he stubbed out the cigarette and climbed back through the window. His eyes fell on the big case on the bed. He went over to it and after sitting down he pulled up the case in his lap and snapped open the buckles. As always his chest felt like a tight knot when he opened the lid and was met by the familiar sight of red and silver. With his forehead wrinkled he pulled his fingers over the strings on the guitar. He followed every contour of the instrument with his fingertips to the etched initials at the base. J.R. Just as his own. But these were his father's. He involuntary emitted a little sound and laid down on the bed with the guitar, still in its case, by his side. His whole body ached and his eyes smarted. But he didn't cry. He never cried...

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

Matti Lahtinen woke up to the sound of his shrieking siblings. He was used to it so it was kinda surprising that it had woken him. He hawed in the wide bed and glanced at the clock-radio's red numbers. Ten thirty. Immediately he was wide awake. He could quite truthfully not remember the last time he'd woken up after nine. Yawning he stretched himself and scratched an armpit. Unlike most people his own age he loved mornings. He always looked forward to the day that would follow. Even when school was on. But he still had a week left to enjoy the freedom of summer break. He smiled to himself and got on his feet. Boxer shorts, he always slept naked, was followed by a t-shirt and sweatpants. At this time he'd usually managed both his morning round and a hefty breakfast. He was late. After providing himself with the mp3-player and sneakers he rushed down the stairs on the side of the garage by taking three steps at a time. Only to miss the last but one and with his heart in his throat fulminate down seven steps. He landed wrong and the pain that shot up from his ankle was white-hot and so sharp he wasn't even able to scream. Sitting on the ground, with tears in his eyes and his hands around the pulsating ankle he swore a long, bitter chant. There his jog evanesced. Shit, shit and triple shit. Frustrated he blew away a lost wisp of his damson-colored hair while wondering how long it would take to recuperate from this. To him there was nothing worse than being physically limited. He was energetic on the verge to overactive and it would be more noticeable than ever. With the help of the banister he got on his feet and half limped, half hopped, over to the main house.

Anette, his mother, was in full swing in the kitchen and was preparing baking at the same time that she was filling the dishwasher. Her ability to multi-task were indisputable. Matti plumped down on a kitchen chair with such a loud moan that she twitched on the spot.

"Why good morning, sleepyhead!" she chirped.

Matti definitely had inherited his positive and happy nature from her and when he now just answered her happy greeting with a tormented glance all her warning lights went off.

"What's the matter? What happened?"

"Fell", he grunted. "Sprained my foot."

"Oh dear", she answered and wiped her hands on a towel at the same time that she walked over to him. "Which foot?"

Matti hesitated for a second or two before holding up his right foot. Anette had once worked as a nurse and she never missed an opening to exercise her skills. She got pretty much of those with ten lively kids in varying ages around. And even though it for certain was useful with a nurse in the family she'd probably been a better blacksmith or something. She was pretty rough...

Squatting she thoroughly examined his ankle that was all hot and already started to swell up. Matti suffered through the torturous procedure while grasping the chair's seat and letting out little whimpers which she answered by calling him a wimp. At long last she finally released her grip and brought her judgment.

"Well well. It isn't broken but you managed to get yourself a serious sprain. I recommend at least one weeks rest with immediate cooling and elevation. A tourniquet wouldn't hurt."

Matti groaned loudly.

"But! What the he..."

"Matti!" she sharply interrupted. "Language."

"There's only us here", he gloomy muttered.

"That may be but when it comes to rubbish the little folks has hearing like bats."

Matti sighed.

"With regards to animals, where is everyone?"

"Out by the pool."

Anette got on her feet and returned to the counters. Matti sighed and pulled his hand through the hair.

"So what the heck am I supposed to do today?" he asked straight into the air.

"You can always take it easy for a change", Anette answered with a laugh while checking her fermenting dough.

Matti dilated his eyes and looked horrified at her.

"Take it easy?! Are you insane?"

Anette smiled at him over her shoulder.

"Exactly. I think your ankle can handle a turn in the pool and after that you can lie and relax. Like normal teenagers do on their breaks."

"Meh", Matti said bored and leaned his chin against his hand. "Sound about as exciting as watching paint dry."

"Which reminds me that the fence at the back needs painting", Anette thoughtfully replied while leering at him.

Matti suddenly felt very interested by a stain on the kitchen table.

"Can you be any more transparent?" Anette laughed.

Matti grinned in response. Then he heavily leaned back in the chair.

"Nothing interesting ever goes on here", he moaned.

"It's so you can have something to complain about", Anette immediately replied at the same time that she started to knead out a first set of dough on the counter.

Matti loured at her.

"Majvor's daughter and grandson came this morning. That's pretty interesting, eh?"

Matti opened his eyes wide and straightened his back.

"What?! The ones she's been nagging about all month?"

Anette nodded.

"Exactly those yeah."

"Did you see them?" Matti wondered while eagerly getting up from the chair.

He quickly limped over to one of the windows that faced the neighboring house.

Anette nodded.

"Aaaaaaand?" Matti wondered. "Was the guy as yummy as he is on those pictures?"

Anette laughed and shook the rolling pin at him.

"You're worse than the dogs are when they get wind of fresh marrowbones."

Matti growled meaningfully while eying the brown car on Majvor's drive-way. He tilted his head.

"Does it have that color naturally or is it all rust?"

Anette emitted a guffaw that she then quickly smothered.

"Matti!" she scolded.

"I think they recalled those cars at the 70s."

"You weren't even considered on the 70s", she pointed out.

Matti turned his green eyes towards his mother.

"Sure. But tell me now? How did he look?"

"Hm... blonde..?"

Matti gaped at her. Blonde!? He already knew that. He'd seen the pictures. What he wanted to know was if the kid on the most recent pictures Majvor had had developed as promising as he seemed to be able to.

"Blonde?" he almost whimpered. "Was that it?"

"I was to busy feeding your little brother to have the time to unpack my spy camera with telephoto lens", Anette acidly replied while energetic kneading her dough.

Matti gave her a disconcerted look.

"That's why I told you to keep it out all the time!" he finally exclaimed.

Anette gave him a long stare with a frown but her eyes were glistening.

"Furthermore, Iivo should have learned to eat by himself after 14 years", Matti pointed out and leaned towards the counter while scouting Majvor's house again. "It's time to cut the umbilical cord."

"Haha, wisecracker", she replied.

They both very well knew that she meant the youngest one, Kimi, who was three.

"The light was pretty bad but there were clear similarities to the pictures", Anette finally answered. "Tall guy. Pretty skinny. Short, sprawling hair. As I said, I didn't see him clearly but he looked pretty fine."

Matti smiled. He knew that his mother's views about fine teenagers had a considerably wider field than his own but he couldn't imagine that that guy on Majvor's photos had changed so insanely much in the wrong direction. He had to admit that he'd already managed to get a little crush on Majvor's grandson and he were sickly curious if the guy had aged gracefully. Just the thought of an possibly gorgeous guy his own age in the neighboring house almost had him jumping up and down at the spot of zeal.

"Poor boy", Anette pitied the guy in question. "Maybe I should call Majvor and ask her to warn him to show himself to you until your hormones got a chance to calm down."

Matti glared at her.

"You wouldn't dare!"

Anette grinned.

Reluctantly Matti abandoned the window and walked towards the living room to take a shortcut to the pool. By now his whole family knew that he was what you might call a flaming queer. Not that he exactly showed it just by looking but it was hard to conceal the fact that you'd rather put naked guys on the walls than naked chicks, to your closest family. Anette, with her sixth sense, had actually asked him straight out if he was gay before he'd even considered coming out to his family. So he had confessed. Anette only smiled and said that she loved him no matter what, possibly even more since he distinguished himself. It couldn't get much better than that. He knew all to well that there were parents that never treated their kids the same way again when they found out. Linn, his best friend, were bisexual and her mother never gave up on her attempts to try and match up the girl with a guy. Matti knew that the biggest blame that Linn and her last girlfriend broke up fell upon Linn's mother.

Matti took a banana from the fruit bowl on the living room table and stopped at the open patio door to eat it. He let his eyes wander over the backyard where a big part of his siblings dwelt this sunny day. Toni, the eldest one after him with her 15 years, had placed herself in a sun bed with a couple of neon pink shades on her nose tip and eagerly tapped on her equally neon pink laptop. Matti grimaced at the abundance of pink and let his gaze slide further. In the pool Marko, ten, Sirpa, eight and Venla, six, were splashing around. The latest one had just recently learned to swim and could now enjoy the bigger pool's all benefits, although equipped with miscellaneous floating devices. In the playpen Kimi weltered around in a considerably more shallow and smaller paddling pool.

Most certainly the thought was that Toni should help keep an eye on all her smaller siblings but she was completely absorbed by her laptop. Matti sighed. They were ten siblings. Tarja was oldest, 21 year, and had moved away to live with her boyfriend when she were 19. They were still going strong so he supposed that relationship was a success.

It was a big family and as in most families they had their dissents but Matti was pretty sure that his family belonged to some of the more fortunate ones when it came to those matters. Anette was the big peacemaker and she was good at it so there were rarely any bigger or longer fights. Sure, it could get frustrating with all kids running around but it felt a lot better since Tarja moved out and he'd had the opportunity to take over the little apartment above the garage. Either way he wouldn't want it any other way. He loved his big, loud family.

He put the banana peel on a table and pulled off his t-shirt. Time to swim those lengths that would replace his jog. He had no desire to take the painful, although short, walk to his apartment just to get his swimming trunks so the boxers had to suffice. After removing the sweatpants he aimed himself at an empty spot in the pool, pushed off and ran hopping as quick as he managed to the edge of the pool. It was an absolutely acceptable water bomb and when he snorting emerged again he was rewarded by giggling from the younger siblings and Toni's agitated howls, since he'd spattered water over both her and the laptop. It had been his intention from the start so he just smiled happily at her cursing on Finnish. This was the life.

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

When Johnas woke up the sun stood high in the sky and it was as hot as a sauna in the room. Soaked in sweat he confusedly stared at the sloping, light log ceiling for quite a while before his brain caught up. Right... This was the view he had to look forward to for an undecided future onwards... With a sigh he turned over and just barely , with a racing heart, managed to catch the guitar and its case before they hit the floor due to his maneuverer.

Still with his pulse on high speed he closed the lid over the guitar and carefully placed the case on the floor. He couldn't remember falling asleep but obviously he had and he was grateful that he hadn't happened to push the guitar case down from the bed during his sleep. It wasn't particularly high between the bed and the floor but still. He pulled his hand over his forehead and sighed. He definitely had to take a shower later... He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this sweaty. It hardly helped that he still had both jeans and t-shirt on. He made a mental note that it definitely would be enough to sleep in his underpants in this heat. He got up and walked over to the window which he opened wide. It was relatively hot outside too but a heavenly tepid breeze came with freshness and he took a deep breath. He leaned against the windowsill while far-off listening to the chirping birds and some kids that laughed and screamed some distance away. Had to be at the neighbors across the road. He doubted he'd be able to hear anyone else rather than the closest neighbor in this desert place.

Unconsciously he let slip a heavy sigh while thinking that this would be his life from now on. He was well aware about why they were where they were but it didn't help him when it came to liking and accepting it. Ever since his dad died they had had it complicated economically. John had the greatest income in their household, something they quickly had a taste of when it disappeared. It certainly didn't help that a funeral went on a smaller fortune... Johnas was fully aware of the aching lump in his chest when he thought about his father but it was hard not to. Everything had changed that irremeable day...

Beth had been encumbered with debts after the funeral but regardless of this she'd managed to struggle on for quite a while. Johnas had volunteered to drop out of school and work instead. Beth had practically fulminted when she heard that. He should stay in school if she so had to drag him there herself. Johnas had tried to get a evening and weekend job but the competition was fierce when it came to those kinds of employment. Most employers wanted people that could work whenever. After going on a rivet with that Johnas had helped a classmate's big brother with some jobs at a couple of occasions. But considering the job only consisted of delivering a few packages here and there it seemed to pay a little too well. Johnas hadn't asked any questions due to the fact of not wanting to find out whatever he was carrying these times but he wasn't stupid and kinda figured it out none the less. He couldn't claim that he especially liked it but it was money in his pockets. Money they desperately needed. Still, he'd thought about if it really were worth it even before the guy he worked for got busted and since it had been dangerously close that he also did he'd stuck his tail between his legs and got out of the heat. If he'd been busted for dealing drugs and swag Beth would've definitively kicked the bucket. Either way he really couldn't pass her a couple of grands without having to explain where he'd got it and she'd already started to be suspicious about constantly falling over a hundred or two in her pockets. When she'd asked Johnas about it he'd struck it off by saying she must have forgotten it or that somebody probably had mistook her jacket for his own. Nevertheless he could notice she didn't quite fall for it and he couldn't blame her. When you were as short of cash as they were you didn't forget numerous larger bills in your pockets. Not even small ones... And incessantly getting your jacket mistaken for someone else's was just far fetched...

Eventually the grief for John, the debts and the daily outgoings along with almost daily double shifts at work had taken its toll. Beth got a flu that refused to go away. One day she just couldn't get out of bed and after a week's sick-leave her boss had thanked her for ten years faithful service, with barely one days sickness before that and the fact that she'd always been there if someone else couldn't work, by sacking her. Of course it wasn't just flu that got her. She'd simply hit the wall. Getting fired didn't do any wonders about her health nor their economics. The money from the UIF wasn't close to enough but when she'd applied for social aid she was told that she surely could work and that the money from UIF was over subsistence level or something along those lines... In other words, they weren't eligible. After this it was just a matter of time before they'd lost the apartment. All that was left was to sell everything that could be sold, throw away stuff they couldn't sell and didn't need and then stuff the rest in the car and move. Clearly not the most ideal solution but the only working one. Majvor were of course ecstatic with joy. Finally she would have her only daughter and a grandson within arm length. Johnas couldn't blame her... He wouldn't want to live alone in these backwaters either.

He straightened up. He was dying for a smoke and besides that he should probably start to bring in his stuff from the car. It was as well to get it done he supposed.

He left the window wide open and went down the stairs. It was quiet and seemingly empty on the upper floor. Beth's door was closed and he thought he heard her snoring. Downstairs Majvor was messing around in the kitchen. She must have heard him even though he was quiet 'cause at the same time he pulled on his first shoe she showed up in the kitchen door while wiping her hands on a towel.

"So, he's up now", she said with a smile.

"Mm", he mumbled quietly as answer while pulling on the other shoe. "Thought I'd get my stuff from the car."

She nodded.

"Good, good. Make sure to make yourself at home. If you need anything you just have to say so."

With that she returned to the kitchen where she humming started to clatter around again. Johnas thoughtfully looked after her for a while before pulling back to reality. He left the hall and sauntered out to the car. Since he couldn't be seen from the kitchen he lit a cigarette and enjoyable took his first puff while leaning against the old heap of rust. He couldn't help but glancing towards the neighboring house but tried not to do it all too obvious since he was fully visible where he stood. One of the cars had disappeared sometime during the day. The other one was still there and shone scornfully in the sunlight. Johnas wished their own car hadn't been quite as visible. It seemed older and more rusty than ever. But he should be grateful... At least they had a car...

He sucked on his cigarette with the back of his head against the roof of the car, then stubbed it out against the sole of his shoe and popped the butt out on the dirt road before turning to the car to open the trunk. The stuff had apparently been pretty shaken up inside 'cause when the plug, meaning the trunk cover, opened, stuff as good as gushed out. He managed to catch some of the top stuff with his upper body but several things still fell out. For instance something so heavy and hard that he barely managed to not faint when he got it straight on his toes. With that he stopped caring and let whatever wanted fall out. With tears in his eyes he stood leaned forward and swore loudly while the pain flashed through his whole leg from the toes. It took quite a while before he managed to recover enough to check the mayhem. Sacks and trunks with clothes were the majority but in the midst of this he clapped his eyes on what nearly enough had steam-rolled his toes and swore again. It had to have been his amplifier 'cause it was the only thing big and edgy enough. Scowling he straightened it up and inspected the damage. It looked relatively unharmed, doubtless thanks to his toes, but he couldn't be completely sure of it until he'd plugged it in and tested it. He was far from as careful about it as he was about the guitar but without the amplifier he hadn't much use of the guitar in question and he hardly could afford to buy a new one...

He took as much of his stuff he could handle and limped over to the house with it. Even though he didn't own particularly much it took him four trips to get it all to the front door. Of course he left Beth's stuff. He could take care of his own but that was pretty much as far as his good will stretched. His toe throbbed worse by each step and he still had to get everything to the attic.

He didn't give in til he was done and only then he heavily ensconced himself on the bed to inspect his injuries. Fortunately there weren't any blood but when he pulled off his sock he saw that the two toes closest to his big toe were bright red and had started to swell up. When he tried to bend them he almost choked of anguish and quickly decided to avoid just that.

He pulled of the other sock too, they were hardly needed in this heat, and then limped over to the amplifier. After connecting it to the closest outlet he checked the volume before taking out and hooking up the guitar. The amplifier seemed to have eluded whatever damage and he sent a grateful thought to his toes that had to sacrifice themselves for the sake of it. He kept the volume low while plucking on the guitar-strings. He loved to play but weren't quite as fond of people hearing him do it. Not 'cause he was destituted of talent but because he didn't like the attention. He knew he was a good guitarist. It might sound self-praising but if it were anything he could brag about it was his guitar playing. He had mint ear for music and could reproduce a song pretty good after listening to it once. Three-four times and he could play it almost perfectly. Even so he hadn't taken a single lesson in his whole life. John had thought him the most and the rest of it were self-taught.

He hadn't planned on sitting there for any length of time, just thought he should test the amplifier, but he should have known himself by now. Totally lost in the music he incessantly played til Beth's yelling voice enlightened him that it was several hours later and time for dinner...