Heart Beats - PT 3

WARNING: Contains sex, homosexuality, strong language. Do not read if you're not of the legal age in your country or if any of the mentioned doesn't fit you. Oh, and do take note of the fact that English isn't my first language. Some of the names in this story are somewhat altered from the original story to fit the English better. Not the main character's though. Any resemblance to actual people or places are purely coincidental.

First School Day

The first day in his new school and he was over half an hour late. Johnas swore silently to himself while he looked for the classroom that were specified on his schedule. He hated being in the focus and to arrive in the middle of an class would undeniably led to being that more than necessary. If he'd been on time he might have been able to blend in a little more but as things were now that seemed impossible.

He'd been late to begin with and then he'd of course managed to get on the wrong bus. He'd knew enough to know that if he'd reach downtown he'd gone too far. Of course he had and that without even seeing a hint of his stop. After some ands and buts and a ten minute wait on the right bus he'd ended up right. Just to discover that it only were two stops and that on a distance that he'd been able to walk faster than the time he'd spent waiting for the darn bus. Now he was in a rotten mood. He missed his old place so much it almost hurt bodily. Sure, it had been more like a ghetto than a school but he had friends, even if he had to admit they hadn't been the world's greatest, and it had been close enough to walk to.

With a heavy sigh he went up another stair. There were no maps in the place, which would have been needed since it was both big and confusing, and the corridors were surprisingly empty. Although it was class time someone always used to be available. He'd heard voices but never saw anyone so it was impossible to determine whether they came from a classroom or some other place. He stopped at a window when he saw movements out on what seemed to be the schools backyard.. A class, divided in groups of two and three people, walked around beneath the green trees as if they were on vacation and not in school. Apparently there were life...

He didn't stick around too long but continued in to the corridor after the staircase. Finally he seemed to be right 'cause at least now the first digits on the doors matched the ones on his schedule. All too soon, or all too late depending on how you saw it, he were outside the right door. He hesitated. The thought of standing in front of and be stared at by a whole high school class made the cold sweat ooze. He swallowed heavily and glanced at a passably placed clock in the corridor. He was almost 40 minutes late. He considered if it really was worth it going into the room for the last 15 minutes. He could always skip this lesson completely and aim for the next. He had as good as decided on that when the door suddenly opened and he stood face to face with a man in his forties. The teacher, obviously, surprised stared at him while Johnas himself opened and closed his mouth like a fish on dry land.

"You're... Johnas?"

Incapable of saying anything Johnas shortly nodded.

"You're 40 minutes late", the teacher unnecessary pointed out.

Johnas nodded again.

"Uhm... I took the wrong bus..."

"Ah. Well, that explains it. Come in."

Without waiting on an answer he turned around and went into the classroom. Reluctant Johnas followed him. The classroom, that undeniably should have been more lively, showed out to be empty. Johnas let his gaze slide over it while feeling both confused and relieved.

"I sent out the class on the yard with some assignments", the teacher, that apparently noticed his look, explained.

He leaned towards the cathodes and showed out an empty desk in front of himself with a hand. Johnas would rather die than sit that far up front usually but since the room was empty he silently sat down. Ha couldn't help but wonder if it was his own class he'd seen outside beneath the trees.

"Rydberg, wasn't it?" the man asked and Johnas silently nodded.

The man nodded he too whereupon he continued.

"I am Peter Nordberg. Biology teacher and responsible of this class."

Peter eyed him closely and Johnas wished he were somewhere else.

"It's my understanding that you're from Ellendals."

Johnas nodded again, somewhat surprised that the teacher knew the name of a school in a completely different town. He realized he maybe shouldn't have been surprised when Peter continued.

"A pretty tough school I've heard. We're not gonna get any trouble here I hope."

Johnas frowned. Surely Ellendals were a ghetto but for the sake of that you wouldn't have to assume that a former student of it automatically meant trouble. He felt significantly insulted and couldn't otherwise than feel that he most likely wouldn't like this man. Luckily he only had to put out with it for a year. He had quite a lot of answers on hand but kept it back.

"No", he just shortly answered.

Peter complacently nodded.

"Good. Your grades are quite decent so I guess you belonged to the better part from Ellendals."

Johnas didn't answer. He didn't quite know what to answer something like that. 'Thanks' felt kinda idiotic. Even more so considering Peter's previous annotation. A little surprising flattery would hardly change Johnas first impression that easily. He almost 100 percent went with his first impressions and since they most often showed out to be right...

"I think you'll like it here", Peter continued. "It's a nice class. Social and cheerful."

He glanced at his watch.

"They should be back soon. I told them to be back ten minutes before the lesson's end."

He'd barely finished his sentence when the door opened and the first students stumbled in. A couple of girls. They didn't say anything but Johnas could feel their curious glances when they turned over their papers to Peter. He took the opportunity to move to an by all appearances unoccupied seat at the rear in the classroom.

There he sat silently and became more and more tense and nervous by each student that arrived. More than ever he wished he was somewhere else. Some of the would-be classmates greeted him and he quietly nodded back. He knew that his reserved aura discouraged most people from daring more and it suited him like a glove.

Soon enough the whole class seemed to be in place 'cause Peter looked at his watch again and after muttering glancing at the closed door he turned towards the room and loudly launched out.

"Yes, as you probably already guessed you've got a new classmate. His name's Johnas Rydberg. I expect that you're all decent and will help him get acclimatized."

Johnas wanted to go home and pull the covers over his head. At the same time that he was grateful for not having to introduce himself Peter's presentation made him feel as if he were mentally retarded or something.

"I'll assign it on the class to introduce yourselves", Peter continued. " You're free to go now."

Immediately people started moving and they raked together their belongings and left the room. Johnas waited til most of them had left and first then lingering got up to follow. On his way to the door Peter, waving a book, halted him.

"You'll need this", he said and Johnas hesitantly received it. "If you haven't got a locker to put your things in yet I suggest you ask someone to show you to the reception during the break so you can get one."

Johnas nodded while staring down at the book in his hands. The books on Ellendals had been completely scribbled all over and if they weren't missing whole pages you could at least count on finding several that had been torn. This biology book looked completely new and were without a doubt the neatest schoolbook he'd ever held. He quickly looked up at Peter.

"Thanks", he pushed out.

Peter nodded and smiled a surprisingly kindly smile. Then he moved his eyes to the door that just opened behind Johnas' back and the smile faded to be replaced with a inclement, somewhat tired look.

"Time to show now? I remember saying ten to."

Delayed students. Johnas glanced backwards and got at least said surprised when his stomach made a little flip. He turned his head completely and silently looked at the couple that just arrived and saw the guys face light up with that charismatic, wide smile. Matti. How big were those odds?

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

Matti felt as if he'd just came in from a hefty run and not a calm walk on the schoolyard. His body was hot and he could swear he was blushing while the heart beated cycles. It was impossible to keep the smile at bay when he saw the familiar person in front of Peter.

"Johnas!" he happily exclaimed.

He felt ridiculously happy to see him. Even though he only got a short, recognizing nod as answer. But he didn't mind. As he saw it there were only one of two possibilities that Johnas were in this classroom right now. Either he would be in the class that would use the room after them or, could he really be that inconceivable lucky, Johnas would be in the same one as he himself. He barely dared to hope but as he saw it there was a 50/50 chance of it.

"Do you two know each other?" Peter asked and reminded Matti that he wasn't alone in the world with Johnas.

Which in itself was pretty dreary.

"We're neighbors", Matti answered with a grin.

Peter nodded.

"I see. Then I suggest that you'll go to school together from now on so this 'getting lost-thing' won't be a habit."

Matti raised his eyebrows and noticed that Johnas got a thin wrinkle on his forehead. Of some reason it seemed to be tense between the teacher and Johnas.

"Harsh", he said and gave his and Linn's paper to Peter. "I can vouch for the guy having a bad sense of direction if needed."

Peter just lightly shook his head with a tired look before looking over the paper that Matti had handed him. During a heavenly second Matti's and Johnas' eyes met and Matti smirked slyly towards Johnas. Even if the extremely short, oblique little smile he got back didn't really reach Johnas' eyes it was reward enough.

Peter, once again, interrupted Matti's euphoria.

"Since you guys now know each other maybe you can take him to the reception so he can get a locker."

Matti happily nodded. The fact that Peter asked him could only mean that Johnas would be in his class and he as good as floated on clouds due to that tiny fact.

"Sure, no problem!"

Peter sighed and gave him a tired look.

"And try to hurry up. You have a chronic ability to be late."

Matti grinned away.

"With my brains I just need to hear the end of the lesson anyway."

"Hah!" Peter yelped.

Matti didn't wait for a continuation. He pulled both Linn and Johnas out of the room before Peter came up with something wiser and further to say.

"Talk about odds!" he exclaimed out in the corridor the same moment the door shut behind them. "Would never had guessed that we would end up in the same class."

Just the same school were a minor miracle. Even though he considered himself knowing Johnas well enough by now not to expect an answer he surprisingly got one.

"No", Johnas mumbled. "It was pretty unexpected..."

Matti smiled widely at him. He had hooked arm with both Johnas and Linn when he pulled them out of the classroom and had from that moment expected Johnas to pull away or something. Unfortunetaly it were Linn that chose to do it first and since he hardly could continue holding Johnas' arm alone without having to come up with a decent explanation he, definetely reluctant, released his grip.

"This is Linn", he said instead and gestured at Linn. "Linn, this is Johnas."

He had already managed to say both this and that to Linn about Johnas and the former now gave Johnas an at least said searching look. Matti wildy gave her celestial eyes behind Johnas' back. The way she looked at Johnas could all to easily raise suspicions. Maybe he was just sensitive 'cause Johnas just gave Linn a short nod and she smiled wryly back at him.

"Welcome", she said.

She turned towards Matti before continuing.

"I'll go ahead to the next class. I'll tell the teacher you might be a little late."

"Nice", Matti answered and then he waved at Johnas to follow and went the opposite direction.

Linn was the closest thing to a bff that Matti could get and she of course knew that he was gay. As mentioned she'd already got an ear-full about Johnas from Matti and even if he hadn't said it straight out that he was crushing real hard on Johnas she easily could have figured it out. At least in her eyes it should be quite obvious.

"So you got lost?" Matti asked Johnas while they moved towards the reception.

In the corner of his eyes he saw Johnas nod.

"Took the wrong bus."

"Ah. That easily happens", Matti said. "I've lived here for more that ten years and it still happens that I get on the wrong bus."

He inhaled before continuing.

"Peter's usually easy-going. He must have woken up in the wrong bed this morning."

Johnas opened and closed his mouth a couple of times while Matti patiently waited.

"He knows about my last school", it then came quietly. "He probably assumes that I belong to the majority of the students there and is... 'problematic'..."

Matti glanced at him. It was probably the most he ever heard Johnas say up to now. It was wonderful to hear his a bit hoarse baritone. He tried his best to ignore the goosebumps, the small shivers of pleasure along the spine as well as the thoughts about how it would be to hear that voice pant juicy stuff during sex.

"Meh", he pushed out with a surprisingly unruffled voice considering where his thoughts were off to. "He always ignites at the smallest bias and then he's like that himself. 'Do what I say, not what I do.'"

The last he said with an excessively dark voice in an attempt to imitate Peter.

A corner of Johnas' mouth twitched.

"Just like mum and smoking", he muttered back.

Matti turned his head and grinned at him.

"I think most parents are like that. Mum tells me to pipe down and take it easy and then she's significantly worse herself."

"I noticed", Johnas answered and now he was definitely smiling.

Matti would have purred if he'd been a cat. The fact that Johnas seemed to loosen up so quickly in his company made wonders for his self-esteem, which he already had way too much of unfortunately, and made his stomach warm.

"Well, screw him", he happily said and referred to Peter. "Most people here wholly doesn't care where you're from and goes after what you do here and now."

Johnas nodded.

"Sounds good."

Matti were hugely satisfied with Johnas answering him more and more but he didn't show it outwards. He suspected that the least thing that would make Johnas himself notice this would end up in him shielding himself again. Thus he choose to pretend that everything were just the way it should be.

"Either way", he continued and gave Johnas a serious look. "If I'd have the slightest suspicion that we even were going the same direction this morning I would have waited. If we had got the information that we would get a new classmate I could have added stuff up but we haven't heard a thing."

Johnas glanced back at him but turned away his eyes before meeting Matti's.

"It's cool", he answered. "Hardly your fault..."

Well, of course, he knew that but still...

They had reached the reception and Matti once again took the lead and quickly called upon himself Berit's, the receptionist's, attention.

"Matti!" she happily exclaimed when she saw him. "First period has barely ended and you've already been sent to the headmaster?"

"Ha ha ha", Matti sarcastically answered but with a smile. "Actually I'm just here to give you a daily dose of myself. We all know you need it."

Berit laughed.

"Unlike you I haven't got much time to just sit and stare at my surroundings."

Matti leaned towards the bar outside her window and raised an eyebrow.

"If you agree to go on that date with me we can sit and stare each other in the eyes as much as we want you know."

Berit amused shook her head. It was an ongoing joke between them since the first time they met. He liked Berit. They had the same kind of humor and considering her age she was totally decent. They both knew all of it were for fun and both of them had the same fun pretending to flirt and shock their environment.

"What would you do with such and old crone?" Berit sighed with an excessively dramatic voice. "With all those young girls spooning over you you can just take your pick."

Matti sighed too and leaned his chin towards his hand.

"But, Berit, you know that women are like first-rate liquor. The older the better."

Berit released a snorting horse laugh.

"Well, you defintely gold-plated my morning", she declared and wiped away some tears.

"Mission accomplished!" Matti happily said.

Berit glanced towards Johnas and when Matti followed her gaze he noticed that Johnas actually looked a tad shocked. His mouth were faintly opened and the eyes a bit bigger than usual.

"Seriously now", Berit said. "Who's your friend?"

Matti flatly pulled Johnas closer to the window.

"This is Johnas", he told Berit. "Johnas, this is our school's panther-aunt, Berit."

Berit smiled and shook her head.

"Don't listen to a word he says", she said to Johnas. "New?"

Johnas nodded.

"He started in my class today!" Matti announced. "We're here to scrounge a locker."

"Hah", Berit answered as she started typing on her computer. "I knew you had a hidden agenda with this visit. You're always after something."

"Aaw... I promise to come just for your sake the next time", Matti joked back.

"All promises, no show for it", Berit replied. "3G right?"

Matti nodded to confirm their class-id.

"The locker beside mine's been empty for a while", he pointed out as in passing. "814."

He hoped he didn't sound all too obvious.

Berit amusedly looked up at Johnas.

"You think you can endure having him as locker-neighbor for a whole year?"

Johnas closed his mouth.

"We're already neighbours at home so I guess another place doesn't make any difference", he quietly squeezed out.

Berit chuckled.

"Poor thing", she said and Matti stuck out his tongue towards her. "Last name?"

Matti curious turned his eyes towards Johnas. Majvor's surname were Pettersson but since her daughter, Johnas' mom, had been married it were pretty likely that it was something else. First now he realized he hadn't a single clue. Berit looked up from her computer and questioningly raised an eyebrow towards Johnas that first then seemed to realize she was asking him.

"Uhm... Rydberg."

Johnas Rydberg. It fit him. Now it was just any possible middle names that were missing. A date of birth wouldn't hurt either... Matti kind of started to feel like a true stalker.

"Not particularly talkative", Berit pointed out while starting to type again.

"You're writing that down too?"

Matti almost choked over Johnas' question. He couldn't quite smother his laughter. It undeniably had sounded like she were gonna jot it down. Berit also laughed and to his big delight Matti got to see how the color slightly rose on Johnas' jowls.

"No, no", Berit soothingly answered. "Don't worry."

Johnas nodded shortly and looked away. He seemed embarrassed about being embarrassed and Matti fought the urge to hug him really, really hard.

Evidently Berit got what she wanted on her computer 'cause soon enough she nodded confirmingly.

"There you are. Johnas Rydberg, 3G. Locker 814 as ordered. Just a padlock and it's due for occupancy."

She friendly smiled towards Johnas that just nodded his usual affirmative.

After Berit practically kicking them out with a look towards her watch they headed towards their next class.

"You can put the books you get today in my locker later", Matti offered on their way. "Until you get a lock."

"Thanks", Johnas quietly answered.

It sounded like he had something more to say and after some patient waiting, something Matti greatly got to practice when it came to Johnas, it finally came.

"Do you really think... that older women are better?"

Matti snorted.

"God no! We always do that. She's a great lady but she's about forty years to old for my taste."

Not to mention the wrong gender...

Johnas looked relieved but it was hardly due to what Matti wished for.

"So... that other girl... you together?"

It took Matti a few seconds to figure out what girl Johnas were referring to. He had quite mixed feelings when he answered.

"Linn? No, we're just friends."

If he had dared to hope he could have interpreted the question as if Johnas wanted to know if he was taken. But as it was it definitely were Linn he were wondering about. But even if she weren't dating Matti that wasn't a guarantee that she were single. When Johnas didn't ask any more questions Matti almost dared to believe that the question had been asked because Johnas at least were interested in him as a potential friend.

"She broke up with her girlfriend a couple of months ago", Matti absently added and immediately wished he'd kept his mouth shut.

Did he really want Johnas to know that Linn were single? He probably would find out sooner or later anyway of course but Matti rather saw it happening later. He didn't quite realize what he'd said until he noticed that Johnas' had stopped in the middle of a step, when he turned his head to look at him and saw his shocked expression.

"Girlfriend?" Johnas incredulity pushed out.

Matti wondered if he'd made a mistake. On the other side Linn, contrary to himself, were completely open and comfy with her sexuality so he might as well continue.

"Well... She's bisexual and the last time it was a girl she dated..."

He dearly wished she'd been completely gay like himself 'cause in that case he'd been able to smother this thing here and now. But he believed in honesty, as far as it was possible, and Linn would definitely not appreciate if he lied about her sexuality. If there were anything they really fought about it was the fact that Matti still was in the closet in front of the mayor part of his surroundings. But even if Linn were annoyed by it she respected that he weren't willing to come out quite yet. Matti realized that this conversation suddenly had opened up a possibility to him that he hadn't expected to get quite this soon. A possibility to try and find out about Johnas' attitude to it. Yet by bitter experience he knew that guys that gladly accepted bisexual and homosexual girls far from always were as accepting when it came to bi- and homosexual guys. He also knew that Johnas' reaction would be crucial to his and Matti's future relationship to each other. He wouldn't be able to approve of someone, not even as a friend, that couldn't accept his bisexual friend. If he had to choose, how horrible that thought might be, it would be Linn. Mostly 'cause she were his friend from several years back but even more so due to the fact that his own life were so related to hers.

Johnas finally spoke and unfortunately his tone were as neutral as the answer.

"Uh-huh... I see."

It wasn't easy to get any clarity from that. Matti carefully probed on.

"I hope it wont affect your attitude to her. She's a nice chick."

Intently he waited on Johnas' answer. It came considerably faster this time.

"No. It's her life, her choice."

An excellent answer. If it just could apply to homosexual guys too it would be even better.

"I just got surprised", Johnas continued to Matti's surprise. "She doesn't look like one."

Matti's spirits went straight down the drain even if he skillfully hid it. Prejudices were never a good sign.

"Didn't know you had to look a certain way for it", he said with a little laughter.

He knew that one definitely couldn't see it on him. It were very few of those he had came out to who'd even managed to guess it. Except his slightly psychic mom and then Marten of course, who was the first guy Matti ever kissed and that seemed to have a sixth sense for stuff like that.

"No", Johnas lingering answered. "I guess you don't... In my last school they were pretty obvious about it though. Although in their cases it were probably more a question of feminist fashion than real bi- and homosexuality."

Matti chuckled. His mood seemed to have risen again with Johnas' comment. At least it explained the prejudices. But on the other hand it didn't give much clues about the stuff about homosexual guys. He wondered how much sniffing around would be too much. Luckily Johnas, that suddenly seemed quite talkative, solved this himself.

"My cousin's homosexual but he's pretty normal. He can exaggerate his womanly attributes, as he likes to call them, but it's mostly around mum just to tease her. She's having some trouble with that stuff but she's quite old-fashioned so..."

He shrugged. Matti stared gaping at him while his brain caught up. Cousin... Of course, Johnas and Marten were cousins!! That meant that Johnas, that he quite obviously were overthrown in love with at the moment, were closely related to the first guy he'd ever kissed! He couldn't help but feel that there were something fateful over the whole thing.

"What?" Johnas asked that clearly saw Matti's incredulity and fortunately misinterpreted it. "You got problems with gays but not with lesbians?"

It was so similar to Matti's own ideas that he couldn't help but laugh.

"Why, no. You can't help who you get turned on by."

Johnas choose this opportunity to crush Matti's small strings of hope.

"True. As long as they don't get turned on by me 'cause they wont get much for it."

Alas! Matti inevitably thought about the fantasies that had been in focus at his latest wanks. He almost blushed and cleared his throat to cover up his embarrassment.

"Yeh..."

He realized they'd been standing still for quite a while and seized the opportunity to turn his back to Johnas and commence walking again. He couldn't help but to feel a bit hurt and downhearted by Johnas' last comment. And a whole lot ashamed.

"Personally I'll feel pretty flattered if even guys think I look good enough to get turned on by."

He silently cursed himself and his big yap and prayed that he hadn't gone too far. He didn't want to estrange Johnas due to this. He threw a grin over his shoulder towards Johnas in an attempt to ease the seriousness. Johnas looked thoughtful.

"I guess you can see it that way too", he eventually said.

Matti execrated his unending optimism when he once again felt a whiff of hope. But he stubbornly oppressed it. Either way he felt relieved. Even if he apparently didn't have a chance to get hot and heavy with Johnas he would like to be friends with him. Undeniably it would help if Johnas were accepting the day he inevitably would find out that Matti were gay. One of Matti's horror scenarios were that one, or more, really good friends would terminate their contacts with him when they found out about his orientation. That was probably the biggest reason that he didn't quite dare leave the closet yet. Rather than ending up in that picture he'd just screw the whole thing. He guessed that it was one of the reasons that it would be better to be honest from the beginning but he also knew that it never were as easy and smooth if they knew. Not by his own experience but he had heard enough of those who had it to feel convinced. And one couldn't quite blame him for lying either, he comforted himself. He just kept silent about some minor details... Like the fact he'd rather look at cocks then pussies...

They had almost reached the classroom when Johnas asked a completely unexpected question. Unexpected both on account of the question in itself and the fact that he didn't seem to be the type asking unnecessary stuff.

"So... are you dating someone?"

Matti almost bit his tongue of while keeping back his off-the-cuff answer question that inevitably was why he was wondering. If Johnas had asked a girl the same question it definitely had been to check if she were on the market, so to say. But since he was straight and asked Matti he forced back his hopeful feelings and coerced himself to see the question for what it was. A fumbling attempt to get to know someone better. He turned his head and grinned at Johnas.

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

"Nah. Relationships are tough and time consuming to keep. I wont decline a snogging or two but at the moment I don't want more than that."

Matti's answer got, of all things to choose, relief to flow through Johnas. Relief?! Why relief of everything? The answer thankfully arrived quickly. He were single himself and preciously as Matti said, relationship's took time and work. It was hard enough to keep in touch with old friends when you suddenly got a girl and she started to demanding time and space. It were undeniably easier to get to know someone without that distraction. Besides that, conversations with people in a relation seemed to mostly be about that relationship. Something that were quite though to be forced to listen to all the time when you were single yourself. If they both were singles things tended to deal with other stuff. Girls too of course but that were also easier. Another good thing about it was that it were considerably more fun to chase chicks together with a friend than alone.

Johnas had already seen obvious signs that Matti were popular and it wasn't strange considering he had good looks, an outgoing attitude and the fact that he was generally easy to get along with. His attitude on relationships, that they were tough and took time, explained why he despite that were single. Johnas had to admit he agreed. Even though he almost were Matti's straight opposite he'd never had any trouble getting girls but, as mentioned, they required quite a lot. He had been in at least ten relationships since he started secondary school but the furthest he'd put up with one were five months. He always started to feel smothered as early as a couple of weeks. The fact was that his latest relationship had been so demanding that it had been a pure relief when it ended. Yet the girl had been both good-looking and nice. Either way he felt far from ready or willing to travel up that road again and honestly felt that it was really nice to be single. Even if he neither would say no to a snogging or two, to use Matti's words.

He glanced at Matti. That the shorter guy were as he was and that they shared even this opinion just increased the feeling that he might had found his first, new friend. Since he were as introvert as he was he had counted on it taking a while before he'd get any friends after the move and he couldn't help but feel grateful that Matti didn't allow himself to be discouraged. After their first meeting Johnas had actually decided to himself that he at least would try to be social if he ever got to see Matti again. The fact that they had met like this and so soon again were surprising but he had stood by his decision and at least thought he had been a bit successful. Either way he doubted that Matti was adverse to him.

He automatically stopped when Matti did.

"And you?" the other guy asked while turning towards Johnas. "To think that you have been able to get one here in a couple of hours might be a tad too optimistic but did you leave someone behind? You got a distance relationship or something?"

Johnas couldn't resist feeling a bit envious of how easy Matti asked the question. He himself had been gathering his courage practically all the time since he found out that Matti weren't dating that girl Linn.

He shook his head.

"My last girl and I broke up a couple of months before I even knew that we were moving here. If we hadn't we would have broken up then. I don't think I could handle a distance relationship."

On the other hand that might be what it would take considering how fast he felt smothered... Of course he didn't say it straight out though. Matti grinned.

"Yeh, I've heard some bad reputations about it. But who knows, maybe a little distance is what it takes to put up with the crap, eh?"

Johnas found himself speechless. It was habitual in his case of course but this time it were sheer surprise. One could almost believe that Matti had read his thoughts. Matti didn't seem to notice his reaction though 'cause without waiting for an answer he turned towards the door that they had, haphazardly had been Johnas beliefs, stopped close to and opened it. He interrupted a teacher, hardly astonishing the class had already started, that just explained something to the class. Johnas trotted after Matti, that didn't seem the least affected by the twenty or so staring teenagers, and were as ashamed as a dog.

"Lahtinen!" the female teacher almost growled but not without an amused glint in her eyes. "Can you ever arrive on time?"

"Of course I can", Matti immediately replied, "but then I'd foul up the expression 'superior people always arrive late'."

Scattered chuckles and giggles were heard.

Matti pointed with his thumb over his shoulder at Johnas and happily added:

"His name's Johnas and he's new but I'm sure that he agrees with me."

Johnas didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The teacher gazed at him thoroughly for a while.

"Help me, God" she loudly muttered.

Then she smiled deterrencely.

"Hi and welcome, Johnas. My name's Maria and I'm your history-teacher."

He nodded as answer.

"Well then, take a seat and we'll continue", she added before turning towards the class again.

Johnas was kindly finding himself pulled along by Matti again. He realized he didn't mind. It meant that he got released from choices and whatever that meant.

Luckily the empty spots that Matti aimed at were located relatively far back in the room. Johnas hated having people behind his back, probably largely an ingrained habit from his old school. There it could have been physically dangerous to have the wrong people behind you. The classrooms had always been filled from the back. It seemed to be the other way around here. Not to mention the students... Johnas as usual avoided to look straight at anyone but the looks he inevitably felt following him weren't threatening, just curious, and even if the looks varied as much as they had on Ellendals, all seemed equally accepted. It could be special to just this class but he doubted it. The whole school felt overall better. Even if he had noted some doodles on a locker or two it were nothing compared to Ellendals. Everything were more whole and cleaner. The last thing went for both the school itself and the students.

Matti plumped down on the desk beside the girl he'd shown up with earlier, Linn, and nodded towards the empty chair on his other side. Johnas obediently sank down on it and then dared to hurl a glance up- and straightwards. Everyone had their heads turned forward and seemed to concentrate on Maria. He finally dared to relax a bit and glanced at Matti that just leaned towards Linn to hear something that she whispered to him. Everything indicated that Johnas' situation, the new home and the new school, maybe wouldn't be completely unbearable. He suspected he owed his thanks to Matti for this. For the first time in he didn't know how long he felt... 'complacent'...

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

"Can you be more obvious?"

Linn's question made Matti tense up.

"Really?" he nervously whispered back.

Linn smiled a little.

"Mnyeh... Maybe only to me that knows you but still..."

She moved her gaze a bit.

"But I have to agree with you that he's a babe. Especially when he smiles."

Matti almost dislocated his neck as he quickly turned his head and eyes towards Johnas. Breathless he noticed that the other guy really sat there and smiled. It wasn't much of a smile but there were no doubts that that was the thing flourishing on Johnas' well formed mouth. His look were introspective in a way that let hint that the guy were totally unaware of it. Matti was suddenly sure that his own spot as the school's indisputable neatest and sexiest fellow were significantly threatened. Not that he cared. When it came to Johnas it was completely understandable and Matti would humbly relinquish that spot to him. Reluctantly he tore his gaze from the revelation when Linn importunate tugged on his t-shirt from the other side.

"You think you have any chance?" Linn quietly asked when he leaned towards her.

Matti sighed.

"Nah... he's as straight as one gets. But he got the potentials of becoming a really good friend."

He didn't dare going as far as saying that it somehow felt predetermined, kind of like Johnas being his soul mate, 'cause he knew that would make Linn guffaw like crazy.

She grinned at him as it were.

"Well, it's about time you get a good male friend instead of a load of female ones with ulterior motives. Would at least ease my burden. God knows you're quite a handful."

Matti stuck out his tongue at her and was rewarded with a scathing slap on his humeral. Of course the resounding blow made Maria respond.

"Do you love-birds think you can concentrate on the class instead of each other for once?" she sourishly asked.

She knew as well as everyone else that they only were friends but she was also as convinced as most that it only were a matter of time.

"But ma'm", Matti mincingly exclaimed, "our families oppose to our relationship so we can't express our feelings elsewhere! Kinda like Romeo and Juliet..."

He quickly, so she didn't have the time to avoid it, placed a loud smacker on Linn's cheek. The classmates laughed and whistled slyly while Linn demonstratively wiped her cheek with a disgusted grimace.

"I understand", Maria said with a sympathetic smile, "but please try and keep it to a minimum until the breaks, ok?"

"If you insist", Matti gloomy muttered.

"I do", she flatly replied.

Matti conspiratorial grinned towards Linn when Maria continued the lesson whereupon he glanced in Johnas' direction. He, Matti discovered, glanced back with a subtle wrinkle between his eyebrows. Matti could only guess what took place in his head and leaned towards him.

"We really are just friends", he whispered. "But everyone thinks otherwise and it's fun to banter them."

Johnas quietly nodded. Matti hesitated for a second or two before adding:

"Linn really is single. In case you feel like making a move."

He hated himself for saying it. He hadn't a clue how he'd be able to watch his crush make a move on his best friend. Johnas not as much as glanced in Linn's direction and neither hesitated when he came with his answer.

"Nah. I'm not interested. Had it with chicks for a while."

That annotation made Matti more content and satisfied than he wanted to admit. He hadn't known Johnas for long but he already knew that it would be a real pain in the ass to see him in a relationship. But even if Johnas had those feelings at the moment it was all to easy to change when the right one suddenly showed up.

He reclined in his chair with his eyes attached to Maria and an expression that insinuated that he were focusing on the class. Truth was he didn't listen at all and barely even saw her. He had way too much already going on in his head...

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

Johnas kicked off his shoes in the hall with a sigh. Even though the first school day had turned out better than he could've imagined it was nice to be home again. He'd never been very social and after the accident a couple of years ago it had been even worse. He shook himself. Neither Beth nor Majvor seemed to be home so he had the house to himself.

After providing himself with sandwiches and a drink from the fridge he went up to the attic. It was as hot as an oven, something he already started to get used to, and he opened the window wide to get some air in. It was august but it still seemed as though the summer didn't have any intention to let go for quite a while.

The sky was clear blue with only a few cloudpuffs and the birds chirped hysterically. Yet another thing he was getting more and more used to. He found himself glancing towards the neighboring house and wondering what Matti was doing. Only though they just had separated. They had gone home together and it had almost seemed as if Matti thought about inviting him over or something but Johnas' wide yawn apparently discouraged him. So after repeating his promise about picking Johnas up the following morning they had went their separate ways.

Normally Johnas probably would have declined such an invitation. He was tired since it took a toll on his strength to be social. Yet he felt that if Matti just had said the words he probably would have agreed. Matti was easy to be with and Johnas didn't feel any imperative need to talk and be happy in his presence. Probably 'cause Matti were talkative and happy enough for them both and didn't seem to mind that Johnas weren't. Not even the few times it had been silent between them had felt troublesome. And even if Matti talked enough for a smaller commune he had been attentive and silent when Johnas felt like saying something. Maybe one could even go as far as saying that Matti instinctively seemed to feel when Johnas wanted to say something or when he just wanted to be. At least that was the perception that Johnas had got during the day. Matti had chosen the right moment every time. Johnas could with certainty say that he'd never met anyone like Matti before. Someone who seemed to understand him so completely without even really knowing him. Almost as a...

Johnas cut off his thought with a shiver. He had never believed in stuff like soul mates and furthermore wasn't that something you became with someone of the opposite sex? He felt kind of like a foolish woman just for grazing the thought and shook his head inwardly. But a part of him... He'd never had a really, really good friend. Someone he felt that he could tell anything without having any worries about how the person would react. Someone he trusted completely. But Matti... Something told him that that guy would be able to hear practically whatever and not only accept it but also keep quiet about it if that was what you wanted. They had already touched topics that could be considered sensitive if you talked to someone you didn't trust. His old circle of friends would probably rather die, or kill someone, than pick up a subject like sexual orientation for example. Bi- and homosexuality had been completely taboo in that circle and Johnas wouldn't even have dared dreaming about mentioning his homosexual cousin. They had probably ostracized or started to bully him just per association... Johnas himself had always been more accepting than his friends when it came to this. Maybe not as much as Matti though... he was pretty sure he would feel more bothered than flattered if a gay showed him any interest... If Marten hadn't been in Johnas family he probably never would have realized that a gay guy could be like any other guy and allowed himself to be a whole lot more affected by his condemnatory and hateful environment... Of course he'd always had it easier with lesbians than gays but it probably was that way with most guys he suspected. And the other way around for girls... Either way, as he'd said to Matti, as far as he escaped getting involved it was up to each whatever they preferred. Johnas frowned. The fact that Matti were so ingenuous, even would be flattered... he couldn't be... No, never! Johnas brushed away the thought almost as soon as it emerged. Even if Matti were open-minded on the verge to stupidity he wasn't gay. Johnas guessed it wasn't impossible but some indications he should have seen...? Even if Matti didn't have a relationship at the moment he seemed to have his pick, something Johnas himself had noticed during the breaks, and a gay guy would never like having a load of girls clinging on him and even flirt headlong with them or..?

Johnas pulled his hand through his sprawling hair. When he thought about it properly he guessed it would be pretty flattering if both genders got turned on by you. It would be considerably worse if noone did... Or just the same sex... What a nightmare...

He shook himself to disperse his thoughts and discovered that he still had his hand in his hair. He needed to get a haircut again pretty soon. Last time Beth had cut his hair and it had actually turned out so decent he could consider letting her do it again. Or he would just screw it completely and save it. He wondered if he'd fit in a ponytail. Just the thought had him almost dying of shame on the spot. He would look terrible. Even if he just saved it to Matti's length which wasn't so bad... Matti on the other hand would probably fit in anything. He had that kind of look. Johnas couldn't keep back an unconsciously little chuckle when he inevitably got to think of the later part of the lunch-hour that he'd spent on the schoolyard together with Matti and Linn. The later one had amused herself with putting up Matti's dark red hair in little tassels with the help of the numerous hair bands she wore around her wrists. Matti had calmly walked around with those tassels during the rest of the day. Johnas had been amazed at the lack of mean comments and stares. The only comments he'd heard had been tantalizing but in a friendly manner and Matti had answered them the same way. Everyone seemed to know who Matti were and it seemed as if he were popular of good reasons. His life seemed almost perfect...

Johnas' smile died out with a sigh without him even having noticed it. He knew there were those who had it considerably worse than he so he shouldn't complain or get envious... Wishing for more would just be meaningless. Nevertheless there were things he'd easily would have given a limb to change.

With yet another sigh he climbed out on the roof outside the window to smoke. He kind of wished he never would have yawned earlier so Matti would have said whatever it was he was about to. Johnas could have used the distraction...